It's been three years since my last communication with most of you. I want to start with a momentous announcement. A few months back, I underwent a profound name-change ceremony, marking a new birth. My new name is Anuttara Lakshmin Nath. Below, I share glimpses of a deeply personal series of events, which led to this pivotal ceremony.

Dear All, 

I hope my email finds you resting in alcoves of tranquility and health, even as our world grapples with wars, a growing refugee crisis and escalating environmental calamity. Acknowledging the inseparability of the personal and collective, I appreciate Amythyst Kiah’s words, “I find myself bereft about the state of the world as I live my daily life. The two things are not mutually exclusive; I am fully capable of holding two realities in my mind at one time, not because I want to, but because I must.”  Amidst the troubles, we are also invited to acknowledge flowering beauty, kindness, quirkiness, and acts of courage, often under-reported.

I have not communicated with most of you since January 2021, because I was going through a process that moved my life at its core - a tremendous blessing (a blessing that comes through once in many lifetimes) while also challenging.

The process itself began 21 years ago, but some eight years ago, it invited me to step into the heart of a wild river of wisdom, in the lineage of Buddhist-Tantra, where forgotten memories re-surfaced like sun-kissed jewels. This wasn't just a swim; it was a deeper call, leading me through transformative portals; interweaving the center of my knowing with timeless ancestral threads; reshaping my existence into something far greater than my individual self.

In 2019-20, amidst growing teaching and activism work, it showed up as an irresistible longing to disappear in remote forests with a backpack and a tent, to meditate for several days, next to unrestrained rivers and streams. Meditating alone in a forest, while more difficult, led to exponential depth. Here, I received a vision to go for a month-long retreat in a forest I had never visited before.

At the peak of the pandemic, in late 2020, I made a journey with both excitement and fear, traveling for hours through dirt roads, to a secluded forest in an extremely remote part of Mexico.  For a month, practicing most of this time in a small ramshackle mud hut with half a roof, alone in the middle of a large forest, next to a beautiful stream surrounded by wildflowers. (Some photos here) In the winter chill, building fires for warmth, I undertook intense ancient Indian practices, expounded by the Mahasiddhas. After weeks of prayer and sadhana, the forest began to reveal itself, inviting me into its secret mysteries, lifting veils onto unseen sacred dimensions.

After coming back home, based on previous multi-month silent retreats, I imagined resuming my daily routines and plans. But soon realized that the process was intensifying and I will have little capacity to do much in the external world. The retreat was not over, and every passing month, it continued to amplify in energy as well as depth. While this is the greatest blessing a meditation practitioner can ask for, it was also indescribably challenging emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. Yet, so unquestionably benevolent and numinous that I kept choosing a ‘yes’ at every threshold.

After wrapping up important commitments, I canceled plans for the unforeseeable future. Sometimes in full retreat, sometimes meeting a handful of students, occasionally returning to the human community before plunging back in. A huge world was being revealed, inviting me to purify Saṅkhāras to fully receive it. In 2022, I was guided to India to meditate at ancient Buddhist and Tantric temples (built between the 6th to 12th century). This allowed for the process to completely stabilize and come into its fruition stage. 

In 2023, while still in deep practice, I received guidance to offer teachings, slowly, intentionally, to small invite-only groups. With this the river flowed stronger within, and the sacred call to wholeheartedly serve the lineage. If I were to ever teach again from this lineage I had to share with the world my Dharma name (initiation name). In October 2023, in the presence of wise mentor/teacher led by Joanna Macy, and a small group of friends and students, with fire as witness, I went through a Tantric Abhishekham, a remarkable name-change ritual. 

Post-ceremony, the process continues, while its shape has shifted. Since my renaming, momentous visions guide this new chapter. I largely feel peace and groundednss. While also tenderness and some needed playfulness. There is a sense of feeling held by a palpably powerful and coherent force-field.

With heartfelt metta,
Anuttara Lakshmin Nath